God Bless This Mess by Jillian Jacqueline has been my anthem this week. Clinic weeks always seem to be challenging. Giving Arlie a drug that completely changes who she is and creates multiple struggles, multiple times a day gets the best of my patience and my giving tank. Thinking about another year of this...the drugs, the emotions, the fear. I've gotten a lot better and become more hopeful with each day, but weeks like this you will find me holding on for dear life and praying my kid doesn't growl at me or do something that just isn't my baby! 

I always keep my work schedule light on steroid week because I never know if Arlie is going to need me more or how she will feel with all the drugs she gets those weeks. This week was one of those weeks I had to take off a full day due to Arlie's meltdowns and the guilt I had as a mama to leave my distressed toddler with someone else. It got me thinking about a couple things. 1. I have had the most amazing clients. They have been with me for years but they have REALLY been there and supported me this year. They have been patient with the chaos that is this lifestyle and doing what I am doing with my business.... Just going with it! The second thing I couldn't stop thinking about that day was, when are we giving enough? Like whatever you do, if its be the most badass corporate lady, the mama trying to balance work, babies, social media, actually being social & acknowledging your husband or the stay-at-home mama who feels like their days are on repeat. When are we giving enough? I am reminded these weeks that not all my personal needs & goals are not going to fully be met until treatment is done. I give my all to my girl and am very aware that I don't give enough to myself. Mamas, do you feel me?! 

And then I got to thinking about giving in a different light. People for the past year have given and given and given to us. Before Arlie got sick I couldn't tell you the last time I gave my time or money to a charity or cause. My life was too full to give to anything else and that's a poor excuse. We aren't supposed to just work, get married and make babies! We need to be making a difference in peoples lives around us, giving to a cause that we hold close to us and setting our children up for success to not be selfish and teach them about community and love. I guess this whole cancer thing has lit a fire under me. I don't want to leave this world and have only done things that benefitted myself or my own family. To anyone that has given your time, food, money, prayers... you have made the difference!

Our stories are just starting, so lets make them count. Let's find balance giving to ourselves, our families and the people around us. We are doing it one day at a time and I'm thankful to have each day to try. Just some Sunday rambling thoughts of mine!

HAPPY SUNDAY