Relapse- every cancer mamas WORST fear. You do all the things to protect them. You trust the process, pray a lot and take in every moment. Your fear consumes you with the unknown of tomorrow. Is the chemo working? Is my baby completely healed? 

June 27th Finn finished his last chemo treatment and we happened to have clinic that day so we celebrated this bittersweet day with them. There were tears, smiles, hugs and an overwhelming feeling that he had defeated this beast! As I watched them finish this last treatment it gave me feelings of hope, that we would be celebrating end of treatment eventually! The nurses are amazing on our floor. They are silly, caring and strangely we look forward to seeing them at clinic. They are our family. They wrote and sang a song for Finn that day, that described his treatment and him so beautifully. They help us make the best of this journey! 

Finn went through treatment for a rare cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma. His tumor is located in the bladder. This cancer has been known to be a beast of a cancer and very aggressive and can spread to the lungs. 

The hard part with his type of cancer is , if the tumor was really dead. After a year of aggressive treatment and radiation and not being able to remove any of this tumor, all they could do is wait and see. How you find clarity and find normalcy while you wait and see if this tumor isn't growing, I can't fully comprehend but Finn's mama and dada made it look easy! 

Not even a full month, they started noticing some changes in Finn after treatment. He began to have pains, blood in his diapers and signs that brought back memories of when he was first diagnosed( his tumor is almost covering the urethra and has caused difficulty peeing).In hopes that it was just side effects from all of the aggressive chemo and radiation, they still kept a hopeful mind. 

They waited for his scheduled MRI and then waited for those results. It wasn't what they wanted to hear. The tumor had doubled in size in just one month. Now they had to make difficult decisions. The thought of removing a 2 year olds bladder seems unimaginable, but doing another round of aggressive chemo seemed like it wouldn't touch what this cancer was doing to his body. They waited a couple more weeks to see if the tumor had slowed on its growth and have a little more time to pray about what to do. Every decision involves the quality of his life and let me tell you , his parents did EVERYTHING before making this difficult decision. 

During the waiting process they got a feeding tube for Finn, to get good nutrition in his little body and a catheter to help relieve his bladder pain. Everyone was hopeful to see he was feeling a little better! 

The news came this week that his tumor is growing quickly. The decision has been made to remove his bladder and prostate. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. He's 2. He's an innocent baby. Why these babies?! This surgery will be 8-10 hrs with a 7-10 day hospital stay. Pray for our buddy to heal smoothly, for his parents hearts as they ache for their baby. Pray for their other 2 children who don't fully understand what's wrong with their brother. Pray that this cancer doesn't spread and that this is the start of healing. 

Sunday's are meant to reflect and relieve our hearts and minds of things that we have no control over. As you pray, meditate or whatever you do to get centered for your week, pray for this family.